Overanalytical Bystander

So James and I had like an actual conversation on Friday - I was taping boxes so he could put stickers on them

Later in the day, I caught him making what could only be described as sexual moves in my direction to make his buddy laugh

either he wants me or he was making fun of me

of course his buddy saw that I saw and told James

He was kind of loitering around after work (maybe waiting for me to see if I was mad?)

(I strategically park near him)

then he tried to include me in a conversation about TO (at least I think he was talking about TO)

So complicated Sigh

Resolution checkpoint

The New Year always inspires me to take inventory of my life, so in an effort to better myself, I have come up with a few things I could improve in my life.......Find a better job, and by better I mean makes me happier, not just richer........STOP THINKING ABOUT DEVIL BOY, AT LEAST KEEP IT TO "A DULL ROAR", AS MY GRANDPA USED TO SAY....Get into shape, I felt so much better when I was working out......Do something about my drinking, still not sure what exactly......Be a better sister...............Finish "finishing" my basement...practice being more patient and less grouchy



I wrote this in my blog on Dec. 28, 2005 (honest - check the archives if you don't believe me)

Did you ever go back and read your own blog from the start - crazy fun

though I'd see how I am doing so far

Have a better job - more money AND more happiness

Replaced Devil Boy with yummy James although he occasionally pops into my head - I'm getting over him (please be true) haven't called him in several months

Between my job and my kickboxing class, I have lost 2 pants sizes so far

Still drinking, but less upset about it - not as much of an interference in my life

Slightly btter sister - invited my family up for my birthday party and spent most of the time with my little sister- still could improve
Talk to my brother occasionally in text form

Basement still not finished, but closer

Less grouchy but still not very patient

I'm doing pretty good - and its only August

I'll go to the zoo

ok here is the update on the young fella at work:

things are moving slow - but in a good direction

i sit next to him at breaks and although i don't talk much, I do laugh at his jokes (which isn't hard cause he's actually funny)

I found out he desribes himself as "boring" meaning he'd rather sit at home than go out, or he wants to do regular date type things - he told one girl at work that he was upset because his last girlfriend wouldn't go to the zoo with him

So she says to him "Bystander likes to go to the zoo, James"

I respond with a "Durrrr" or some other nonsense word

I think my quietness is impressing him, plus most girls that work there hook up with guys right away - I've had other opportunities but remain unaffiliated

And now.... a short sermon from Rev. Bystander

I'm not really a super religious person (I call myself spiritual when pressed) although I do believe God brings people into your life for a reason - even the people you aren't very close to

Sometimes its obvious why they are in your life but when it is not obvious, it gets frustrating trying to figure it out

Not that I don't trust God - its just real hard giving up that free will

30 seconds of fun ...(not about my sex life)

I gotts say... i know people with think me an ass or some other form of idiot for this....I LOVE COMMERCIALS!

the direct tv one with the cable guy who leaves the guy at the airport cause of his softball game " i got a double"

the fruit of the loom where he goes "i see a whole lot of apple"

how bout "what, and end up like wood?"

the volkswagon "crash" commercials make u crap yourself the first time you see them - esp. if youve been in an accident before

I wanna make commercials when i grow up

fresh meat

so im at work, trying to casually find out about James from this girl who works there - she says hes 21 - but she also says hes single and she thinks i may have a chance

why do i get so nervous sometimes and im so bold other times?

in other news, i went to a pig roast over the weekend - so weird to watch him spinning around - the guys shoved a beer can in the pigs ass cause the stuffing was leaking out of there

real appetizing - watching a pig "shit" out stuffing for most of the day

howz your balls?

worked at the "inflation station" which is a place to blow up balls so i didnt really get to see James today, although this morning he pulled up right as i was getting out of my car and i got so distracted that i left my keys on the roof of my car. i got into work and couldnt find my keys - i didnt know where they were until i went to look for them at first break

i am smitten

(the psychologist in me says this is why i am attracted to younger guys, they make me feel young again)

but enough analysis

so hes old enough to like bands like Live and Alice in Chains but still young enough to blast the music while whipping through the parking lot I will guess 25 maybe

my neighbor, who is an eighty something woman, always says
"get em young, treat em rough, and tell em nothing"

she may be onto something

btw, bv: i worked at Macys several years back - had crazy hot sex many times in the storage area
(wash your new clothes before you wear them) just a suggestion

he was younger than me too

and there was that driving job i had - also younger than me

im sensing a pattern - work sex with younger guys- although maybe this time ill do it on off hours

dont wanna lose my job

hey little guy, wanna touch my boobies?

Things I found about about the youngin' at work

1. His name is James
2. He played high school football (a very big deal in my town)
3. He drives a green Explorer
4. He loves the Steelers
5. He listens to and/or sings 90's rock like Alice in Chains (maybe he's older than i think?)

so pathetic that i cant talk to/ figure out even the young guys - what a loser i am but he makes me nervous for some reason


the closest i came to flirting with him today:

yesterday he got in trouble for not having a garbage bag with him (clean as you go!) so at first break this morning our boss (scott) said to him "ill be visiting you later"

so later i went upstairs to help James - i must have snuck up on him and startled him cause he says " oh, i thought you were scott"
so i say "im kind of sad to be confused with scott"

he laughs and says "i was only looking at the garbage bag, thats why i though you were scott"

so i say "i guess i forgive you then"

im so lame